Caption Competition 33: Ecclestone and Hembery

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Bernie Ecclestone, Paul Hembery, Circuit de Catalunya, Barcelona,

It’s been a difficult week for Bernie Ecclestone as prosecutors in Germany confirmed he is being indicted on charges of bribery.

Meanwhile Pirelli’s Paul Hembery has been contending with the aftermath of the spate of tyre failures seen during the British Grand Prix.

What have these two been discussing? That’s for you to decide.

Post your funniest suggestion for a caption below and a selection of the best will appear in tomorrow’s round-up.

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Image ?? Pirelli/LAT

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Keith Collantine
Lifelong motor sport fan Keith set up RaceFans in 2005 - when it was originally called F1 Fanatic. Having previously worked as a motoring...

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  • 81 comments on “Caption Competition 33: Ecclestone and Hembery”

    1. PH: “So these new tyres only explode when you press that red button, okay?”
      BE: “Won’t I get to jail for that?”
      PH: “Nah.”

    2. Paul: “These tyre explosions look a bit dangerous.”
      Bernie: “Take this bribe and blame something else.”

    3. Paul: So Bernie, what about the contract for 2014?
      Bernie: Yes about that, you guys don’t get to do the tyres next year, but you get to do the calender.

    4. Fidelecastor
      20th July 2013, 10:52

      mizter E. Hi Paul .. what about your boss ? i see Italian judge pronounce à 2 year sentence for the telecom italia controversy ..
      signor Paul .. Yep .. Marco is ok, no jail for this 7 year old affair .. that’s cool … and now it will be an over 7 years delay for the second step of the process .. no problem bernie, .. he will be able to sign for 2014
      You Bernie, how is the process with the German court ?
      mizter E. .. well .. I am 82, 7 years for the first step of the process, 7 more for the second .. 82+ … 96 ..
      I think my kids will have spend all my money before the judgement .. not a matter ..
      all my best to Marco … take care and don’t forget to sign the new contract for the on track publicity .. for the next 14 years ..

    5. Thanks Bernie. Everyone knows the brand now. Earlier it was all about cars and drivers. Now the cars and drivers are only there to transport the tires around the track.

    6. PH: “We can lend you our best lawyer for the upcoming trial”
      BE: “No thanks, this case has been blown up enough already”

    7. BE: I like the shirt, italian made. But the badge!?

    8. PH: “Want this spare set for your getaway car?”
      BE: “No thanks. When the German authorities come, I might have to run farther than 25 miles.”

    9. PH: Who’s the boss now?

    10. Bernie: Not now Paul, I’ve got 26 million problems and your tyres aren’t one!

    11. Chris (@tophercheese21)
      20th July 2013, 11:29

      Ecclestone: “Don’t give my daughter’s new husband any of your Pirelli condoms. I’m not ready for guaranteed grand children.”

      1. Lane (@mrlaner110)
        20th July 2013, 12:01


      2. @tophercheese21 did you also watch Top Gear? ;)

        1. Chris (@tophercheese21)
          21st July 2013, 1:33


          1. @tophercheese21 ah, I was wondering if you were inspired by one of Clarkson’s latest “some says”:

            “Some say that he breaks into people’s houses at night and leaves two mysterious extra keys in a kitchen drawer, and that as a result of buying Pirelli condoms this week, he now has seventeen children. All we know is he’s called The Stig!”

            1. Chris (@tophercheese21)
              22nd July 2013, 1:42

              Haha, Clarkson is priceless!
              However, I stopped watching Top Gear a while ago. Mainly because here in Australia it has been moved to a channel that has ad breaks every 30 seconds. It’s kinda ruined it for me. :(

              We wont get to see the new episodes for another few weeks (at least!).

            2. @tophercheese21 that makes the BBC look excellent in comparison!

              I’ve always been frustrated that they continue to cut the number of episodes in a season and the number of seasons in a year though, it appears as if they are trying to get rid of it… :/

    12. Lucas Wilson (@full-throttle-f1)
      20th July 2013, 11:31

      Be: “Paul can you make my bribery case degrade into thin air?”

    13. Paul Hembery: “We’ve got some Pirelli girls at the motorhome later after the race”
      Bernie: “Ooh, me like … *Naughty face* …”

    14. Bernie – “What do I get for extending Pirrelli’s contract for a few more seasons?”
      Paul – “How about supersoft pillows in your jail cell?”
      Bernie – “I’ll pass… don’t want my head blowing off!”

    15. Excuse me Bernie but you’re flying low.

    16. “Oh God… Who invited Niki?”

      1. Lucas Wilson (@full-throttle-f1)
        20th July 2013, 12:09

        hahaha :-), I wondered when someone was going to point him out :-)

    17. “You were right. Luca does smell amazing.”

    18. Paul: “You know you said I had to bribe the German team to do tyre testing?” Bernie: “Yes” Paul: “Well I promised they’d have a favourable outcome as they’re based in Britain” Bernie: “Oh why didn’t we just ask Michelin in 2010? I mean come on, even your trucks use their tyres and not yours!”

    19. Paul ” Good luck Bernie, I’ve heard those German prisons make you degrade quicker than a Pirelli on a Merc.
      Bernie ” No problem, 26 million euros will get the germans off my back and Fulda providing next years tyres “

    20. BE – I’ll slip you a few million if you can give me something to spice up the races: some exploding tyres perhaps?

    21. Eccelstone “Change the tyres or I will tell everyone about your affair”

    22. You let Mercedes test like that, really Paul are you as stupid as you look?

    23. BE: ‘Paul, if you’re looking for a job for next year, try CVC.’
      PH: ‘Why would I be looking for… Huh?’

    24. Sorry Bernie not interested

    25. Don’t worry Bernie, the only thing getting cut this weekend is your hair !

    26. Can we please talk about 2014 Bernie?

      Between you and me, Paul, I’m beginning to lose interest in 2014.

    27. PH: oh look, a penny!
      BE: you’ll need it to compensate all those girls affected when your new range of condoms burst…

    28. So Bernie, did you ask your daughters about next years calender?

    29. For health and safety reasons, these tyres are pre-delaminated

    30. “… so, you see, Bernie, it’s not so difficult to walk out free of a tribunal.”

    31. “Bernie, we have a new tyre compound idea, but we really need to know what you use to make yourself so slippery”

      1. The best one so far! :)

    32. PH: Listen , some teams are pushing for a private test .

      BE : Let them test their heads .I have had a testing time already.

    33. Ok Paul, exploding tyres only to Ricciardo this week. Did u see how close his times were to my little Sebbie boy? If he gets a ride at RB next year there’s no way anyone will believe another Aussie suddenly cant get off the line.

    34. “Bernie, I told you to use that remote sparingly, now they’re starting to get suspicious.”

    35. Bernie: I need you to make me some high traction soap

      1. bradleybibo
        20th July 2013, 15:34

        Hahahaha I get it, but he probably won’t be going to jail

    36. ”Hey Bernie….. As a very wise man once said…..Lets’s just retire and go fishing”

    37. “brace yourself Bernie … that guy with the camera promised me 50 quid if I would give you a big kiss.”

    38. Make ‘m go away!
      – the tyres?
      No, the Germans!

      1. I read it in the mayor’s and Basil’s voice from Fawlty Towers, great :)

    39. PH: “No Bernie, staring too hard at the tyres does NOT cause them to fail. Look, I’ll prove it to you”

    40. “So the going rate is 44 million?”
      “Usually yes, but where I am going a pack a smokes is the normal currency!!”

    41. So Paul, there’s this judge I know who needs new tyres for his car. Think you could get some Silverstone spec Pirelli’s for him?

    42. Confusion hits with the realisation that even though the position of the camera man was so, the picture ended up coming out mysteriously the wrong way around.

    43. “How long til the start of the race?”
      “About ten minutes.”

    44. BE- Ze germans

    45. PH: Just make sure you take some leather shorts, mate. They’ll love you.

    46. – So Paul, you bring cubical tyres in 2014, deal?
      – Um, Bernie, listen…

    47. Bernie: “You think you got problems.”

    48. Let’s everybody guess what we are talking about

    49. 99 problems, but the tires ain’t one – they’re four per each car!

    50. Paul Hembery: “Don’t worry Bernie, I have already sent to the prosecutor the tyres you asked for”

    51. BE: Did you know that the more you lie, the longer the P gets?

    52. Paul Hembery: “Yes, master.”

    53. BE: Do you make M-sized Silverstone-spec rubbers? I think I’ll need a few soon…

    54. Paul: “don’t look to your right Bernie, 2 German officers are looking for you”

      1. I submitted one myself, but I still think this is the best.

    55. Bernie: Hey Paul, remember the tires that I ordered to be a little bit rubbish in order to spice up the things a bit?

      Paul: Yes, aren’t they amazing?

      Bernie: Yeah, a little too rubbish tough…

      1. *though

    56. Paul: “OK Bernie. For that amount, Tamara can be any month she wants on the calendar”

    57. “Be a good sport and turn the sprinklers on would you please? My neck’s on the line here!”

      1. (“…oh, and whilst you’re deciding, please accept this cake my wife has baked especially…”)

    58. pension discount day at the tyre dealership attracted some rather interesting seniors

    59. Hem: Bernie, There’s a car outside that will take you to the airport. I’ll call your wife and tell her what flight you’re on.(taken from godfather 1972)

    60. Weve got some girls in the motorhome for a late night show and they are all wearing silverstone grade pirelli clothing. How about we go and see what the boys were really trying to achieve in the factory.

    61. – What’s round and black ? Tyres !
      – What’s green and flat ? Banknotes !

    62. …they’re like your cheques Bernie…. bouncy but explosive and can land you in court !

    63. Bernie: 50 Quid and I stay shtoom.

    64. Paul: “But you said you wanted more bangs for your bucks?”
      Bernie: “No, I said I didn’t want banging up for my bucks!”

    65. BE: What’s worng?
      PH: Some drivers don’t know how to drive their car on the super modern “bomb tyres”.

    66. nicolas nogaret
      3rd August 2013, 13:17

      ph …here’s a fine mess you got me into bernie
      be ….compared to my mess ? nothing !

    Comments are closed.