Jean Todt, Bernie Ecclestone, 2014

Caption Competition 60: Ecclestone and Todt

Caption Competition

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Jean Todt, Bernie Ecclestone, 2014

F1’s two top powerbrokers – FIA president Jean Todt and Formula One Group chief executive Bernie Ecclestone – exchange views earlier this year.

What did they have to say to each other? That’s for you to decide in our latest Caption Competition.

Post your funniest suggestion below and a selection of the best will appear in a future edition of the F1 Fanatic Round-up.

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Image © FIA/Le Floc’h

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Keith Collantine
Lifelong motor sport fan Keith set up RaceFans in 2005 - when it was originally called F1 Fanatic. Having previously worked as a motoring...

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  • 118 comments on “Caption Competition 60: Ecclestone and Todt”

    1. Bernie: I can’t see why fans dislike the new regulations
      Jean: Should’ve gone to Spec-Savers

      1. HAHAHAHA!!
        And here I was thinking spec savers was an aussie company.

        I loled extra hard at this

      2. Todt -“Next race:

        Bernie – “make sure the studs don’t last too long”

    2. Bernie: “I carry around 50 million pounds cash in this briefcase. Because I can.”

      1. Todt: Oh, Good!!! Because I heard that Marco was making a presence.
        Bernie: Now what kind of advice will Mattiaci is going to give me?
        Todt: Not him!! It’s Mario’s mediocre grandson!!!!

      2. Bernie: “I have more money in here than CF1 Grand Prix will ever see”

    3. “How about a Moroccan Grand Prix?”

    4. Bernie says

      “I like to chew my toasted bagels one at a time…”

    5. “You know, this event would be more interesting if there were sprinklers.”

    6. Bernie says

      “wait till they hear we’re scrapping double points in Ab Dab if it’s going to benefit Lewis”

    7. We need to return to Korea, my daughters need more money.

    8. Formula Indonesia (@)
      27th September 2014, 14:32

      Bernie :” lets do Korea again, and this time on night!”

    9. Bernie: “Wipe that smile off your face, Jean. There are still no bankrupt teams in the series that you are supposed to govern!”

    10. Bernie: “yada yada yada driver aids… yada yada yada sochi gp… yada yada yada…”
      Todt thinks to himself “Just you wait…”

    11. Bernie: How much does it cost to light a night race?
      Jean: About €35m per grand prix. More than €100m per season.
      Bernie: How much does it cost to run a team?
      Jean: Around €100m at the minimum.
      Bernie meditates on Jean’s words for a minute
      Bernie: I’d rather have the lights!

    12. Jean Todt has a satisfying feeling through his body as Burnie pushes the button to drop three teams from Formula 1.

    13. Bernie: I just pulled it out my pocket to send a text, and it’s bent!!

      1. Winner!

      2. :))) winner for me

      3. Like this one!

    14. C’mon Jean, giving my daughters a superlicense would save F1 for a long time!

    15. Bernie: ………..and this is how i destroy F1.

    16. Seven cars per team, the drivers have to dress like clowns, and juggling. Also the cars have to jump through flaming hoops. Now that’s a show. Did I mention juggling?

    17. No new stupid rules that’s disheartening

    18. Bernie to jean: Is that the new 2015 nose?

    19. What about double points for the first race in leap year, Jean?

    20. Jean, your smug smile shows me you care about this sport as much as I do.

    21. Bernie says Think before you Bribe.

    22. I just told the Judge that the 44 mill was loose change that fell out of my pocket and he bought it.

    23. Bernie: At the start of the season we had the teams design the car noses on ours, mine shaped like a male appendage, yours big and droopy.
      Jean: (in his excellent inspector Clueseu accent) yes, and it didn’t work as I planned!
      Bernie: How can you say that, my male appendage nosed cars are not doing as well as your droopy nosed ones!
      Jean: (in his excellent inspector Clueseu accent) Ferrari were given the full specifications of my nose but still couldn’t get it right yet Merc and Redbull fluke it just by looking at photos.
      Bernie: Don’t worry, we’ll adjust the rules again next season and try to get Ferrari winning again.

    24. How much do I have to bribe you for a Syrian Grand Prix?

    25. I say the driver with the most points next season finishes 2nd in the world championship. That’ll make the sport interesting!

    26. Its been 5 days, and I haven’t even tried to destroy the sport.

    27. Bernie realises he told all his 3 car team plans to a wax statue of Jean Todt

    28. Bernie- “Please don’t don’t eat my phone again.”

    29. “It’s either 3 cars a team on the grid, or 3 seconds left until I push your exit button.”

    30. Bernie: “I think everybody wants lower tables in here.”

    31. “I think we need three presidents.”

    32. Hey, Jean, why so much creepy teams? We need just Ferrari for Italy, McLaren for Britain, Red Bull for Mateschitz and Mercedes for Germany. And each with 5 cars. That’s what I call savings!

    33. Bernie: “Well, I see you got the money then..”

    34. Bernie and Jean meet to discuss what rule change they could make to most infuriate purist fans.

    35. See here Jean, I just press this button and a Mercedes breaks down, that keeps the season interesting and that idiot Horner thinking they still have a chance. It’s great, I even made Lewis’s car catch fire once! (fallowed by evil maniacal laugh)

    36. hey Jean,all we really need is 3 teams with 10 cars each.

    37. Listen Jean, I’ve got more power in this cell phone than you’ve got in your Mickey-Mouse hybrid F1 kiddie-cars.

    38. – Next year, we’ll have side-car!
      – Two drivers per car, what an idea!

    39. One for you, 10 for me and sod the rest of them

    40. Ecclestone: – “you sure are ugly!”
      Todt: – “with the money we both have, you can be as ugly as you want and wimmen still love us!”

    41. Bernie: “and if I push this button, the nurse comes and takes me to the toilet”
      The satisfied smug look on Jean’s face suggests he’s just been.

    42. Sorry Jean it’s in the contract.
      If my limo is late you have to carry me to the airport.

    43. “I’ve just hired Maldanados driving coach to do my suits!”

    44. With what I have in this wallet, I can get a seat in 2015!

    45. aka terrible towel
      27th September 2014, 17:51

      Do you really think I will get jail time: just watch it. You are really as stupid as you look.

    46. With three-car teams a real possibility, F1’s newest pay driver attempts to sweet-talk his way around the FIA’s superlicence requirements.

    47. BE: So when are you going to implement my brilliant Triple-Points idea?

    48. BE: It’s all about the money, money, money
      JT: You don’t need your money, money money

    49. Bernie: I know another moonlight race would be difficult to squeeze in, but not impossible.
      Jean: Over my Todt body, you’re a Lunie.

    50. Jean: What’s in the briefcase?
      Bernie: Mine…

    51. Bernie, MSC once told me of this trick in DEU’s courts:”..bla…bla…bla…Bribe out of a bribe case….bla….bla….bla…..”

    52. BE: If you take your high heel shoes off I’ll be higher than you

    53. JT: I’ve got my high heels on so I’m over the height limit to get on the Ferris wheel at Suzuka

    54. Commentator: “and now, the two most powerful man in F1 make their appearance at the 2086 FIA Prize-Giving Gala, ill weeds definitely grow apace.”

    55. Bernie: If we drive Mercedes and Redbull out of business and let Ferrari race 18 cars, do you think they can win again?

      Todt: Maybe, lets try!

    56. Todt says

      Its no big deal: I’ll do my Elvis routine, you do Ringo Starr, and we’re off home.

    57. Bernie: (Whispers) “The briefcase with the cash is in locker number I83.”

    58. JT Great news Bernie, I managed to find an entry for your old team Brabham.

      BE You did what!!!

    59. Jean, we need to agree on coded messages when I am in prison.

      1. ^this one

    60. Liam Radford (@)
      27th September 2014, 21:05

      How about we hold a Grand Prix, on the Moon

    61. BE. ” So that’s Rosberg out and all I have to do is tap this app with my thumb whenever Ricciardo gets to close to Vettel and his ERS cuts out”
      JT. ” Brilliant, but can you make Fernando faster”?

    62. BE: Jean, that stinks so much that everyone behind you has passed out.
      JT: My work here is done.

    63. “For the last time, Todt, I’m not downloading Twitter.”

    64. Bernie: “Are you storing nuts in your cheeks for winter Jean?”

    65. Jean and Bernie discuss how much they love to be seen together as both together would total the height of a normal person, and then they come up the idea of awarding half points to every race but the one that pays them both.

    66. Two elderly men discussing Monopoly. One talking rules, the other how to play the get-out-of-jail-free card. Apparently they are quite experienced.

    67. “Remember Jean, when we get into the meeting, I’ll be doing the talking.”

    68. BE: The guy in Rolls Royce service have just slammed down the phone when I asked him about unstable braking…

    69. BE: you will die first!
      JT: No, you will die first!

    70. With keen interest, Bernie Ecclestone is seen here trying out in public his most advanced version yet…Todtbot 2014. Highly complex, yet requires babying, isn’t always reliable, and is strangely quiet. Upgrades expected for 2015.

    71. Bernie: What do you mean this haircut doesn’t make me look like John Lennon?

    72. Jean: …and then we’ll require that 27.5% of the total energy output be generated using recycled FIA methane on laps where DRS is if teams are on the options, and 24.62% recycled methane on primes. Using any methane at all on non-DRS laps will be between a 5 and 45s drive-through, at stewards’ discretion
      Bernie: Yes! Perfect! The crowds at the Yemen Grand Prix will love it!

      1. dammit. “…where DRS is enabled…”

    73. No Jean, for the last time I don’t have 45 million Euro for you in this bag!!!

    74. Tow the line Todt or I’ll backhand you !!!!

    75. Jean, I know you have a soft spot for Ferrari. So lets confuse everyone with more rule changes in the middle of the season if they are not winning.

    76. Oh come on Jean, stop looking so smug – you’re only an inch taller than me.

    77. and then I said I want 3 car system from 2015…!!!

    78. Bernie: …wipe that grin off your face, she was looking at me.

    79. Bernie, “Pssst, want to buy a Grandmother?”

    80. Bernie: “Let’s get back to Korea, this time we should try the northern part.”

    81. Todt: Bernie I hear you are taking over the Premier League.
      Bernie: Right, I plan to make all stadium advertising mine and keep 50% of TV revenue. I will also stop paying the teams coming last, and let them play matches in city squares in Asia and Middle East, selling the last game to the highest bidder and award double points.
      Todt: Great plan. Lets reduce the ball size from 8 to 6 pints and add an electric motor; after every foul take away any lead and restart from the centre spot; allow the team coming from behind to a Goal Dimensions Reducing in Size (DRS); and mid season ban coaching from the sideline except for weather forecasts.

    82. Todt: you might be in charge now, but I will outlive you

    83. JT – I’m taller than u
      BE – Well I’m a lot richer than

    84. C3p-Bernie: I do believe they think I am some kind of god.
      Jean Solo: Well, why don’t you use your devine influence and get us out of this?

      (From Car Wars; episode 1, a dashed hope)

    85. Bernie: “You know what, I’ve never seen you and the Stig in the same room.”
      Todt says nothing, and just stands there.

    86. Dopy & Grumpy discussing how they got rid of the other 5 dwarves…

      1. Love it. Although Grumpy should be renamed Greedy.

    87. Bernie says: “Maybe we should announce sooner rather than later that we want to ban modern F1 cars and put those guys racing in go-karts”

    88. All I have to do is push one button and seven teams are bankrupt.
      Do what I say NOW!

    89. No, I was wrong. Twitter is great! I can start rumours about wacky new rules much faster now.

    90. Bernie: “So I just gave them £60 million and the problem went away”
      Todt: “What about giving the struggling teams more prize money to help their funding problems?”
      Bernie: “Haha, you are funny Jean”

    91. James (@jamesjames123abc)
      28th September 2014, 17:21

      Bernie: “Jean, what do you think about my latest idea – ‘Ferrari-boost’?”

    92. Bernie: Whataya say we go after some really nice chicks tonite, you and me.
      Jean: Yeah, and I’ll give you the CPR treatment as always.

    93. Bernie: Kickoff, kickstart or kickbacks, same difference right?

    94. Any driver who wins and is taller than either of us should only be awarded half points.

    95. You’ve really been working on your Alfred Hitchcock impression, Jean.

    96. “Get someone from Marussia to change that lightbulb and I’ll let them race next year.”

    97. Dangit he’s wearing elevator shoes again, thought Bernie.

    98. I never noticed Jean your chin looks like R130 I can get rid of that for you!

    99. Don’t look now, Max has just walked in.

    100. Jean Todt: Bernie, do Ferrari bit realise with three car teams they will have 9 cars faster than them rather than just 6?

      Bernie Ecclestone: Yes, but with Caterham gone they’ll be alphabetically first again at least, they won’t always have Alonsos alphabetical status to keep them at the top of my phone book.

    101. “No Jean, you can’t have a Pernot with ice… I’ve just secured a deal with Johnnie Walker – you’ll have a scotch instead!”

    102. Bernie: Jean I pay you one billion dollars to have a one night out with that lady behind us.

      Jean: Bernie I pay you one million dollars to have a one night out with that lady behind us.

      Guess which one them will do it.

    103. Bernie: How much f1 excitement can me make?
      Jean: It depends on how much money can you cough

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