Caption Competition 100: Alonso and Gutierrez

Caption Competition

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Fernando Alonso and Esteban Gutierrez survey the scene after their race-stopping crash in the Australian Grand Prix.

What did the pair have to say to each other? That’s for you two work out in this week’s Caption Competition.

Post your funniest suggestion in the comments below.

A selection of the best will feature in a future edition of the F1 Fanatic Round-up.

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Keith Collantine
Lifelong motor sport fan Keith set up RaceFans in 2005 - when it was originally called F1 Fanatic. Having previously worked as a motoring...

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233 comments on “Caption Competition 100: Alonso and Gutierrez”

  1. Ah, I don’t think that’s gping to buff out…

    1. Well as I see it, I went like this and then you went like that…….. And then boom.

  2. Dude you ***** up your McLaren
    Its not mine

    1. Awesome.

  3. I think that’ll buff out don’t you?

    1. that’s a winner already.

      1. Estaban: Is this my welcome back to F1 moment?
        Fernando: Well, Pastor’s not here so someone had to do it.

        1. Sorry, meant to post this on its own.

  4. Scott Crawford
    26th March 2016, 12:13

    “You reckon that will buff out?”


  5. Alonso and Gutierrez agree that it is the least embarrassing result for both teams

  6. EG: Do you think the engine will be alright at least?

    FA: I’m sure it’ll be fine. I might give it to Stoffel. He can use it.

    EG: I think Stoffel’s engine good enough….

  7. EG: Doesn’t look good, does it?

    FA: Yeah, it’s yet another dodgy McLaren…

    1. Or even better:

      Fernando Alonso and Esteban Gutierrez express their delight at the new elimination qualifying system.

      1. Amazing!

  8. That’s the fastest I’ll go round a corner this year mate!

  9. pauline lowrey
    26th March 2016, 12:26

    Oh well, things could be worse…… least they’ve got rid of that ridiculous qualifying format…………

    1. Well, look how that turned out…

  10. Uhm, is Maldonado watching this?

  11. Chandon is our last major sponsor. I didn’t realize they’d put some in the drinks bottle, sorry.

  12. Gutierrez: You’re fully comp, right?

    Alonso: Ehhhhh…….

    1. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

  13. Estaban: Is this my welcome back to F1 moment?
    Fernando: Well, Pastor’s not here so someone had to do it.

  14. “….And cue the knee-jerk ‘Halo’ reaction !!!….”

  15. Gutierrez: Man, your car looks as bad as my helmet hair.
    Alonso: Yeah, it’s not sexy

  16. pauline lowrey
    26th March 2016, 12:34

    Another close shave like that and I won’t have any beard left at all.

    1. Ahahahaaaaaaa!

    2. ColdFly F1 (@)
      26th March 2016, 13:17


    3. Brilliant!

  17. Fernando became self-conscious after Esteban pointed out that the trackside TV screen made the grey hairs on his chin rather conspicuous.

  18. It’s Renault’s fault.

  19. “Sorry, wrong place wrong time again. Silly me.”

  20. pauline lowrey
    26th March 2016, 12:40

    At least we’ll get plenty of TV coverage

  21. “Maybe I should have stayed in my chair”

  22. So…. is this a good time to admit I’ve not got any insurance?

  23. pauline lowrey
    26th March 2016, 12:43

    These Bond auditions get more difficult each time – realistic though!!

  24. Alonso and Esteban make a deal about how Alonso can escape his contract with McClaren:
    Alonso: Can you make it look like an accident?
    Esteban: Sure!

  25. Honda the power of dreams.

  26. “That could have been a lot worse. I could have had to spend the rest of the race in that car. Cheers, E.”

  27. “Cigarillo connoisseurs spotted during Australian GP”

  28. pauline lowrey
    26th March 2016, 12:50

    Well, made a right Hass of that one.

    1. Good one.


      “You ran up my Hass Alonso!”

      1. A: ” Get your Haas out of the way next time!”

  29. Hmm, I wonder if we can blame this on poor governance too.

  30. EG: “That was some really fine show, Fernando! You did not expect that, did you?! Gene warned everybody HAAS will have a great debut and put up some great stuff, tho.”
    FA: “Yeah, he did, he did…”

  31. Sorry.. Last year I could just hold the accelerator down forever and it just wouldn’t run into the back of anyone.

    1. Gerulf Dösinger (@)
      26th March 2016, 18:32

      My personal winner!

    2. Haha winner.

  32. pauline lowrey
    26th March 2016, 12:57

    Could’ve been worse…. I might have been lapped by an eighteen year old.

  33. 17 years later, a deleted part of the ‘witnessing Dr Evil’s spaceship’ scene from Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me surfaces.

  34. Alonso *left* thankful for surviving yet another assassination attempt from Ferrari

    1. AAAAAAAAAAhahaoahaoeuuuuuuuahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiaahaiauuuuhhhhuuuuaaaahaaaaaa!!!!!

  35. Now where can we find 2 deckchairs round here?

    1. ColdFly F1 (@)
      26th March 2016, 13:20

      good one!

      1. I love that one !

    2. lol lol , good one hahaha

  36. Wait… how on earth did we crash into the gravel on a street circuit?

    1. This has actually got me wondering, why is there actually gravel on this street circuit?

      1. @strontium it’s in a park and the streets were basically built to be a race track (well, they were already there, but lots of them were modified to be better as a race track). So they can have gravel easily (I think some of the gravel is permanent, and some of it is put on top of the grass for the race weekend.

  37. Beard? Check.

  38. Esteban: What’s wrong with your face, you have cramps?
    Alonso: No, I try to laugh as if Ricciardo.

  39. Alonso: My little toe moves when I pull my beard
    Esteban: No waaay dude!

    1. Dude, Where’s My Car?
      Dude, Where’s your Car?

  40. Gutierrez: “What’s that smell?”
    Alonso: “Hehehehehe…”

  41. Fernando thinking of something to say other than “All the time you have to leave the space!”

  42. Do me a favour Estaban…tell me if you see a halo over my head now that I see my car.

  43. OmarRoncal - Go Seb!!! (@)
    26th March 2016, 13:19

    “Sorry Nando, but Gene has been watching that Singapore 2008 race many times. I wonder if Romain will profit from this.”

  44. ColdFly F1 (@)
    26th March 2016, 13:21

    How shall I share this in Emojis.

  45. And that’s pretty much how I’d sum up last season..

  46. Yeah, sorry about this Guti, I’m still not used to this fuel upgrade.

  47. Alonso – I can’t see any deck-chairs, can you?

  48. Alonso: “Er, did Gene remember to buy insurance?”

  49. Is that Gary’s (Hartstein) replacement?

  50. You are not in Kansas anymore!

  51. FA – nearly had a halo for real…….

    EG – does that come under the helmet rules?

  52. Alonso’s reaction after Estaban shares his Trump rally experience

  53. An uninjured Alonso worries that he may still have to drive for McLaren.

  54. “If I had to do the same again,
    I wouldn’t steer left my friend, Fernando”

    (with apologies to ABBA)

  55. No I’m pretty sure your car is wider than mine.

  56. A: Not your mistake ninó, I did not anticipate the power from overtake button.

  57. Ashley Burridge
    26th March 2016, 14:18

    EG: Wow! The McLaren has found some speed this year.
    FA: Yes, I was really flying there.

    1. Yeaahhh , just do not forget that in Australia you need to use the breaks before turn 3, otherwise you will feel the wall

  58. Alonso pinches his beard to make sure he is still alive while GUT wonders if he crashed on the correct lap so as to help his teammate.

  59. “Did you really not see that Kangaroo run out?”

  60. Esteban: a podium finish this year Ferando?
    Fernando : eeeeeeh dont know

  61. Gutierrez: I never got my revenge on Maldonado for what he did to me in Bahrain, sorry you drew the short straw Fernando.

    1. Fernando: We should have done this in Bahrain, then, not here!

  62. Alonso and Gutierrez look puzzled into the distance as they realise the absence of a certain Venezuelan.

  63. The first Maldonado-less crash was a shock for all.

  64. Alonso rues the new helmet rules while looking around and trying to find a plausible reason for this years mini sebattical.

  65. FA- I guess your buying the beers tonight?
    EG- of course, anything Fernando..I have to stop by the hotel first….I peed myself
    FA- kids…… .

  66. “So… Impressed with these size zero aero developments?”

  67. EG: not much left of it…
    FA: yeah, ummmm, can I borrow yours?

  68. “Ron Dennis approaching Mexican border…”

  69. See, I told you there was still a gravel trap on this track…

  70. FA: ‘I’m ok mum…’

    EG still hasn’t got over the shunt…

  71. Martin VanNostrand
    26th March 2016, 15:53

    Good tires…but certainly not great tires.

    1. Please tell me you got that from Road&Track’s Ampersand circa 1980… The Ferrari in the ditch?

      1. Actually it was 1983. Peter Egan’s caption.

      2. Martin VanNostrand
        27th March 2016, 18:36

        Yes, that is where I remember it from…the guy casually lighting a cigarette while his 512 lay wadded against the trees. Not trying to plagurize, but I saw the look on Alonso’s face and thought that line fit perfectly. Cheers.

        1. I’d never come across this before – I take it this is it?

          1. Martin VanNostrand
            28th March 2016, 1:02

            Yes…from the glory days of Road & Track. Back then I relied on it for all things automotive especially Formula One news. I understand it’s something of a rag now-a-days. Too bad.


          2. Yeah, the F1 reports were great back then. Glad I’m not the only one to have remembered that one!

    2. How funny, I honestly think I still have that issue packed away in my basement.
      Gotta give credit where due, they are the reason I follow F1 since about 1970. Used to read all the news 1 to 2 months after the fact! lol

  72. EG: You know, I have no idea what happened, it was just like the Hulk kicked my car. Say, what happened to your McLaren, its a mess, did that Honda engine fail again?
    FA: Well, it wasn’t actually engine failure.

  73. EG: You know, I never believed the Easter story of Jesus being resurrected until now.
    FA: Yeah, I thought I was dead too.

  74. Did you feel that?

  75. ColdFly F1 (@)
    26th March 2016, 16:19

    I wonder if Gutierrez’ chili con carne caused that gust of wind.

  76. Think that’ll get me the Sky commentary gig next season?

  77. FA and EC consult how the hell they explain this on the claim form

  78. FA: I can’t believe the Russian judge only gave me a 4!

    EG: I know! You totally stuck that landing!

  79. FA: “Is that my car? Yikes! …glad that’s not coming out of MY paycheck.”
    EG: “Thanks for nothing, buddy…speak for yourself.”

  80. “I knew I shouldn’t have tuned my radio to rapping Hamilton”.

  81. EG: “I think you just created an extreme F1

    1. EG: “I think you just created an extreme F1 car…”

  82. They’re speaking in Spanish, obviously.

  83. Is that what Bernie meant by “elimination” qualifying?

  84. EG: Ferrari looks good today. I think Vettle has a chance this year.
    FA: aaa…

  85. FA- “Woah, what was that!?”
    EG- “That’s my line…”

  86. EG: Wait– You destroyed the car, but saved the engine? Isn’t that backwards….?

  87. Esteban, give me a moment. I’m still in shock. My McLaren was faster than another car!

    1. Lol that’s a good one

  88. GUT – “I’m guessing there is a place you would rather be?”

  89. What if I’d gone left and you’d gone right?

    1. Yeah, that would’ve been better.

  90. E.G.: Blame it in Rio?
    F.A.: Eh, no. Bad movie, wrong country. Oh, the new guy? … maybe.
    Corner Marshal: Oh No !! I can’t find Maldonado’s car.

  91. I thought your McLaren was rubbish but on the flip side…..

  92. Sorry, Esteban.. I was looking at her butt over there..

    Accepted, Fernando, she is exquisite..

    1. hahahaha good one

  93. Alonso: Ahh….my bad…I guess I shouldn’t have been texting Maurizio and asking for my job back.

  94. E: Hey, somebody’ll have to replace Pastor now that he’s gone; looks like it’s gonna be you!
    A: Ehhh, that was more of a Mark Webber move

  95. Can we go knock for knock, my no claims are already gone after last year!

  96. FA: Thank goodness for Honda’s lack of power, if I had been going any faster….

  97. The pedal on the left is for slow now?

  98. Can I get a ride with you and Gene? Ron’s going to be mad at me.

  99. FA: so where do I get fresh underwear

  100. Oh oh, beter call Macco.
    FFFF Fiixauto, the first call you should make after an auto accident.

    both American commercials.

  101. EG: what the heck they put in to the fuel Fernando?
    FA: Skittles I think. I had vision of raining skittles any many rainbows around me.

  102. FA. What’s Ron going to say.
    EG. GP2 driver??

  103. Alonso checks if his head is still attached

  104. Fernando: …and some day we will laugh ! ! …

  105. Easy, when the cops come, we don’t speak Australian.

  106. Is this soft or super soft in my beard?

  107. FA: Yup, that was a bumpy landing….

  108. Can you imagine how bad that would’ve been at f1 speed?

    1. Haha, brutal.

  109. Esteban:”I blame Trump”.
    Fernando:”I blame Ferrari”.

  110. Gutierrez: “Alonso, I think the engine survived!”

    Alonso: “AH Damn it!”

  111. Daniel (@mechanicalgrip22)
    26th March 2016, 19:26

    Alonso: ” Esteban, what do your elf eyes see?”
    Esteban: ” Something gives speed to these creatures, it’s as if Toto’s whip was at their backs.”

  112. Estaban: Huh they’re going onto the super-softs… Guess they know something we don’t, I doubt Ferrari would make a mistake.

  113. alonso ‘I was waiting for the radio call to tell me to turn……..then I remembered and it was too late!’

    G ‘well not to worry as now I can wait till the next race to be thrashed by Gregg john!’

  114. Alonso and Esteban showed their excitement after learning Bernie would be around for another 20 years…

  115. I wish I woulda bought the collision insurance….

  116. Is that Bernie sunbathing over there?

  117. “So you were knocked out of qualifying too?”

    “No, but I will be in about 3 minutes, so I figured what’s the point and got out”…

    – OR –

    “Those spectators look kind of angry”

    “Wouldn’t you be if you’d been promised lots of on track action, only to end up watching some guys getting out of their cars in the pit lane?”

  118. Alonso: Sorry about that, VTEC just kicked in.

  119. TheApexPreditor
    26th March 2016, 20:21

    Ya know, Guttie, I’m thinking I should probably wait a little minute before bringing up my whole “I wish for more *EXTREME* F1 cars for 2017” rant I’d planned for the post race presser, no?

    EG- “I’m thinking that is probably a better plan than whatever plan you’d attempted to execute going into that last corner…besides, we’re just drivers. Unless it involves driving tactics or bitching about another driver or team mate, no one gives a peso about what we think anyway…”

  120. FlyingLobster27
    26th March 2016, 20:27

    “Fernando, what on Earth is that?”
    “It’s Bernie, he’s started drawing his ideas for the future of F1.”
    “But it’s hideous!”
    “‘Eeee, that’s a bit harsh, no…?”
    *blank stare*
    “Alright, I admit it’s monstrous. But you know what kids are like, they scribble some nonsense then ask you to put it on the fridge… I bet even you couldn’t say no to him!”

  121. Fernando – At least I didn’t go as high in the air as Mark Webber did in Valencia

  122. Fernando (to Esteban) – do you think we can save the engine?
    Esteban – Nah mate she’s gone.
    (later on)
    Ron Dennis – Fernando we can save the engine.

  123. Guybrush Threepwood
    26th March 2016, 21:04

    Alonso: you think that’s a big accident? Wait until I show you my underpants.

  124. While we’re waiting for the tow truck, how about burgers at Mel’s?

  125. FA: wow, that Ferrari looks pretty good!
    EG: yes, muy bueno…

  126. Gordon Hetherington
    26th March 2016, 21:11

    I don’t know about “singeing the King of Spain’s beard”, but that certainly trimmed mine.

  127. Peppermint-Lemon (@)
    26th March 2016, 21:37

    Alonso: Wow close one – I got away with that by the hair on my chinny chin chin

  128. OmarRoncal - Go Seb!!! (@)
    26th March 2016, 21:45

    “Alonso gives @jorge-lardone another excuse to say his only line.”

  129. Esteban: I’ve been out-braked by a McLaren?
    Fernando: I’ve out-braked someone?!

  130. “You’ve got four clicks straight-line advantage. Come on, you’ve got to push now, you must get past him.”

  131. Alonso: Sorry, Seb I was thinking in Singapore 2008.

  132. It *does* look like an accident, right?

  133. FA : “You broke my beard.”
    EG : “I can’t believe it passed the crash test.”

  134. “Can’t 2017 come already? “

  135. After an off-season spent insisting that the team would not abandon its “size zero” philosophy, McLaren-Honda stunned competitors with the size of the recovery unit seen attached to the team’s car following its launch at the Australian Grand Prix.

  136. “No halo, I guess I survived.”

  137. FA: This looks really bad, maybe I should consider moving to Indycar next year

  138. “What? They’re keeping it for Bahrain?”

  139. FA: Hey Esteban, I thought that only Red Bull gave you wings!

  140. “So, not enough room on the outside?”

    “Not so much, no.”

  141. FA: I don’t think Ron will want to hear “size zero” mentioned for a long time…

  142. (In a rendition for Jeff Gordon’s classic Pepsi commercial)

    Alonso: Better call Wayne Brady to buy these cars. The Let’s Make A Deal creators are truly running out of “ZONKS”.

  143. And it was at this exact moment that Esteban realised he had become the new Pastor Maldonado.

    1. Hey dude, the one forgot to use the breaks and hit from behind, was FA

  144. EG: Well that sucked. Where’s the beach?
    FA: Hmm.. I think you have to jump the fence then make a left at the exit.

  145. I don’t know, from here? You should be able to hit the green with a 5, maybe even a 7!

  146. Johnny stick
    27th March 2016, 2:58

    Sorry man, that GP2 car is a little fast for me.

  147. FA: What a disaster. The team worked so hard over the winter, there was so much anticipation, and this is where we end up?
    EG: Yeah I understand your frustration. Your car’s also pretty destroyed after that wreck.
    FA: …

  148. Alonso: “I’m sure we can still find someway to blame this on Maldonado.”

  149. Gutierrez can’t help but think that Alonso looks more and more like Kubica and crashes more and more like Kubica.

  150. Esteban Gutierrez: ‘Any idea if has been registered yet?’

  151. Well Bernie said “make it more of a spectacle.” Maybe we overdid it.

  152. “Sorry, the Chandon, you know how it is”

  153. Alonso – “Right now… everything hurts”

  154. Kevin Moodley
    27th March 2016, 7:02

    Haas any Vacancies?

  155. matijaleader
    27th March 2016, 8:05

    “i think i need new underpants”

  156. Sergey Martyn
    27th March 2016, 8:10

    See this cover story in the next issue of ‘Popular Psychology’ mag:
    “Now I can’t stop plucking my beard! Anyone else have this problem?”

  157. Joni (@theflyingfinns)
    27th March 2016, 8:28

    Fernando Alonso and Esteban Gutierrez are just told that the new qualifying system will remain for Bahrain

  158. Didn’t you see the text “Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear”?

  159. “It’s nice, but I was looking more for a bungalow.”

  160. Alonso : Maldonado sends his greetings Esteban.
    Gutierrez : *Gasps* And I thought it was over !!

  161. Gerulf Dösinger (@)
    27th March 2016, 10:20

    “After being asked how his McLaren could even go so fast, Alonso looked as puzzled as his own car.”

  162. GUT: “Whoa, dude! I thing they’ll get the message.”

  163. Sergey Martyn
    27th March 2016, 11:23

    Hope Gutierrez didn’t pluck hairs from where his hands are…

  164. So sorry Esteban, i just wanted to try one of his moves. No problem Fernando, but i hope you won’t be treated like Max when he pulled that stunt.

  165. Fernando & Esteban react to the news that the elimination qualifying format is to continue to Bahrain. 🇧🇭🕐🚷📵🔒💊⚰💤💤

  166. “I thought that flip was due an 8.5 at least!”

  167. EG: I think you might need a new car.
    FA: I think I might need a new underwear as well.

  168. A bit of T-Cut should be right… You know where the nearest Halfords is?

  169. FA: You see there was this gust of wind…
    EG: Didn’t you say last year that a tornado can’t influence these cars?
    FA: Well, yes, but…

  170. Alonso askes Gutierrez if he saw the Drop Bear dart across the track in front of them.

  171. Alonso: And I call that move “The Maldanado with a half pike”

  172. Alonso: Nine lives… Yes! Greek God status! Zues beard next. Not much longer now…
    Esteban: Dude… Where’s your car?

  173. Thank God and safety regs we’re still standing here alive and well.

  174. Sorry Esteban, I was watching Sebs start on the screens…

  175. I did say I want to take a sabbatical with your help but that was a bit too dramatic.

  176. Ay Dios mio… When Webber did it, he made it look muy easy.
    Si, Fernando, but your Mclaren gave you better wings!

  177. Alonso: And they said it would never fly
    Gutierrez: Yeh, but upside down?

    Guiterezz: Even Chitty Chitty Bang Bang had retractible side wings.


    If that fence and barrier wasn’t there you would have ended up in that portaloo (portable toilet).


    It’s a racing car, not the Millenium Falcon.


    when we said things were laid back in Australia, that is not what we meant.

  178. I hope Ron packed the deckchairs.

  179. Armando Ramirez
    29th March 2016, 3:18

    I think you’re right, Esteban. That Renault does look pretty good.

  180. I wonder if Johnnie Walker will give me a safe ride home? #JoinThePact – Never Drink & Drive.

  181. Shane walker
    12th April 2016, 2:30

    She is your sister? gulp!

Comments are closed.