Caption Competition 105: Sebastian Vettel

Caption Competition

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Sebastian Vettel has had plenty to reflect on in his second season with Ferrari so far. So what’s he been scribbling?

That’s for you to decide in this weekend’s Caption Competition. Add the funniest idea for a caption you can come up with in the comments below.

A selection of the best will feature in a future edition of the F1 Fanatic Round-up.

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Keith Collantine
Lifelong motor sport fan Keith set up RaceFans in 2005 - when it was originally called F1 Fanatic. Having previously worked as a motoring...

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147 comments on “Caption Competition 105: Sebastian Vettel”

  1. Michael Filletti
    4th June 2016, 11:58

    “Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?”

    1. Tommy Scragend
      4th June 2016, 21:43


    2. So honorable board members all the above reasons are why l feel am qualified for the CEO position.

  2. “Dear Santa Claus…”

    1. Lol, before I looked at any responses I thought…Dear Santa.

  3. Since nobody can design proper chassis almost a decade i have to do it now…

  4. Birthday wishes list: …

    1. Somebody else’s car

  5. After having his session prematurely brought to a close, Sebastian took to drawing funny moustaches on Marchionne to pass the time.

  6. I won’t swear on the radio
    I won’t swear on the radio
    I won’t swear on the radio

    1. XD classic

    2. Good one. It bring me memories of my childhood.

    3. Thats what i was going to say!!!

  7. Sebastian Vettel spotted rehearsing his crybaby lines for the upcoming Canadian GP

  8. Sviatoslav (@)
    4th June 2016, 12:10

    “Ferrari can win again. Ferrari can win again. Ferrari can win again…”. I’ll write this 100 times to make it happen.

  9. Dear Daniil, …

  10. Dear Marko..

    1. ColdFly F1 (@)
      4th June 2016, 12:18

      you beat me to it.

  11. Dear Santa, I want The one the others have.

  12. As he was told to stop complaining on Team Radio, Vettel chooses to express himself in strongly worded letters.

  13. Dear Fernando,

    I’ve followed most of your advice. I just can’t recall what to do after 5 months of dysfunctional engineering meetings in a row.

    Was it:
    A) Yell over the radio… again
    B) Sign with McLaren

    Dear Gerhard

    I’ve followed most of your advice. I just can’t recall what to do after 5 months of dysfunctional engineering meetings in a row.

    Was it:
    A) Yell over the radio… again
    B) Sign with McLaren or Benetton?


    Dear Alain and Nigel

    I’ve followed most of your advice. I just can’t recall what to do after 5 months of dysfunctional engineering meetings in a row.

    Was it:
    A) Yell over the radio… again
    B) Sign with Williams

    Dear Kimi

    I’ve followed most of your advice. I just can’t recall what to do after 5 months of dysfunctional engineering meetings in a row.

    Was it:
    A) Yell over the radio… again
    B) Go to WRC

    Dear Mr Alesi

    I’ve followed most of your advice. I just can’t recall what to do after 5 months of dysfunctional engineering meetings in a row.

    Was it:
    A) Yell over the radio… again
    B) Sign with Benetton

    Dear Mr Newey

    Please Please Please. Stop being a cucumber. I’m begging you. We’ll double the previous offer.

    1. Nice joke, ripe with truth and Ferrari fail history.

    2. Fantastic. This is the only one I laughed at really hard. So true.

  14. Lee Porcelli
    4th June 2016, 12:24

    Dear Mr Horner,
    Thanks for listening to me in Russia.Its only early but I have Max at a minus three at this stage. Speak later.
    P’s every all right for season 2018.
    Love Seb.

  15. Dear Diary, Ferrari want me to win this year but I haven’t won yet. What did I do to not deserve a win so far this year? Also, that 18 year old kid took my record off of me in Spain. Please make sure he doesn’t come to Ferrari. Thanks Diary.

  16. “Where do I start…?”

  17. Excuse list for Sergio, item 1 …

  18. In theory, we can win this year. In practice so far this year, we can’t win.

  19. “Seriously, what are we doing? Racing, or …? Hmm…”

  20. Dear diary,
    Kimi looked so cute with his new sunglasses today. Why won’t he just notice me?

  21. ColdFly F1 (@)
    4th June 2016, 12:34

    Vettel fills in the employee satisfaction questionnaire. (latest tool implemented to build team spirit)

    1. Michael (@freelittlebirds)
      4th June 2016, 13:04


  22. Ferrari’s are red,
    Red Bulls are blue,
    At least I don’t,
    have your pit crew.

    1. so beautifully funny

      1. Brilliant!

  23. Neil (@neilosjames)
    4th June 2016, 12:37

    Sebastian found a more everyday use for his underemployed finger.

    1. Haha, I like it. We haven’t seen ‘the finger’ for a while now.

  24. With 15 races still to go, Sebastian could hardly contain his excitement at the thought of a new helmet design.

    1. This wins!

  25. Maybe if I just add this performance clause while no one is watching…

  26. Dear Mr Horner

    It’s been a long time since we spoke. I see you seem somehow more flexible these days, regarding who drives your car every new race. Give me a call sometime, maybe we can work something out…

    Yours, 4-time-WDC

    1. And to add to that: maybe you can put me in the car in Canada and demote max to Ferrari?

  27. sebastian is trying to design a new color scheme that won’t attract any more angry charging (red)bulls.

  28. Dear Maurizio,
    I found this on the Internet:

    “Secret Rocket Fuel”
    6H (aq)+2MnO4+5H2O2(f) -> 2Mn2(aq)+5O2 (g)+8H2O(f)

    Maybe this will help us get past those damn Mercedes.


  29. what to buy from the market:

    milk, chips, cheese, spaggetti, energy drink (not red bull at least for three years)

  30. I will never use an iPad
    I will never use Facebook
    I will never use a blogg
    I will never use a computer

  31. Dear Agony Aunt,

    I split with my previous partner who I’d had many good years with, for a scarlet woman, who told me she’d settle down with me and promised me so much more. After 2 years, things aren’t what I expected and now I’m seeing my previous love with a much younger guy, I find myself lusting after her again…

    What shall I do?

    1. Good one.

    2. Very nice!

  32. Peppermint-Lemon (@)
    4th June 2016, 13:35

    Seb writes letter to the FIA to thank them for the ban on team radio, saves having to add more money to the swear jar at home.

  33. Seb copies the exit clause from Fernando’s old contract…

      1. good one!lol

        1. Roflmax!

  34. Dear Mercedes…

  35. Vettel filling in his resignation form.

  36. ”Helmut, swap them back!”

  37. Hello Mudda
    Hello Fudda

  38. This is ridiculous…
    First you guys robbed me of the win in Australia with that strategy…
    In Bahrain my engine quit
    Then the torpedo struck.. Again
    In Spain the 18 year old won when we should have, what are we doing here? Racing or ping pong?
    In Monaco we werent quick enough..
    Red bull, do you want me back?

  39. Dear Christian, I’m sorry I left. Please help me!

  40. Dear Santa please give me a Mercedes with red paint all over it.
    Make sure that Kimi tells me a good joke at every start of a GP
    Make sure that I can tell him one at the finnish.
    Give all my competitors a book which they cant stop reading.
    do you really love me?

  41. OmarRoncal - Go Seb!!! (@)
    4th June 2016, 14:14

    “Loser Lucy”, “Breaking Becky”, “F*ing Ferrari”,

    1. nice one! :D

  42. The FIA’s radical new team radio regulations now force drivers to communicate with their race engineer solely through second-class post.

    1. ColdFly F1 (@)
      4th June 2016, 16:53

      good one @willwood

  43. Dear Mr. Ecclestone,

    2017. Mercedes. Make it happen

    Yours Truly,

  44. Seb starts designing his own car…

  45. It all doesn’t add up: Hammy beats me, Nico beats me, Daniel beats me, Max beats me and even Kimi beats me in a Ferrari.

  46. Turn 1, understeer on entry, snap oversteer on throttle, understeer on exit.

    Turn 2, understeer, entry, apex and low overall grip on exit.

    Turn 3 twitches to the left in first phase of breaking. Oversteer on entry, understeer on apex and snap oversteer on exit, followed by understeer.

    Turn 4, rear tires overheating, fronts to cold, car understeers on entry, plows to corner exit.

    Turn 5, fronts up to temperature, rears snap on breaking, contact with the barrier.

    Turn 5, sun was nice and marshals very professional.

  47. Daniel,
    I’ m ready for another game of ping pong.

  48. Dear Mr Bieber,

    I wasn’t on the podium today, but I hope to meet you during your stay in Monaco.

    Your look-alike,
    Sebastian Vettel

  49. AMR (@aiera-music)
    4th June 2016, 15:02

    After failing to get on the podium at Monaco, Vettel was given fifty lines.

  50. And how would you rate the performance of your boss, on a scale of 1-5? Please explain.

  51. Another German would be handy…

  52. Looks like even Ferrari have fallen into the practice of hiring pay drivers.

  53. “Ferrari is faster than RedBull
    Ferrari is faster than RedBull
    Ferrari is faster than RedBull
    Ferrari is faster than RedBull”

  54. Dear Herr Matesseich ( sic ! )

    So… I was saying only last year, I never wanted to leave
    your wonderful team really. It was, just, well…. those bright red cars
    I used to play with when I was a boy. So beautiful to look at
    and race across the carpet at home.

    But…now I have actually driven one…..well, honestly, I just think dark blue
    suits my personality better…and then there’s that genius Mr Newey….
    So, if you and Senhor Marchionne could have a little money chat…..
    …you know…..a few million here, a few hundred million there….

    I’m sure I could be back in the right coloured car and the right coloured
    race suit as fast as light !

    Your ever faithful, very best driver…


  55. Chris (@tophercheese21)
    4th June 2016, 16:29

    Sebastian Vettel resorts to completing extra homework after Marchionne says “Ferrari must win” and *poof*: it will magically happen.

    His essay is titled: Scuderia Delusions.

  56. Insurance Claim:
    Cause of Accident: Daniil Kvyat
    Nature of Accident: HE CAME LIKE A TORPEDO DIDN’T YOU SEE!!!!

  57. Dear Mr Marko,

    Since you helped Lewis win, how about letting me win a race too…

  58. Dear Diary,

    It seems Alonso and I are similar in too many ways. Is this really how it will end?

  59. Sebastian Vettel prepares his second application for a Mercedes seat

  60. Following the excellent start to his Ferrari career and the first full financial recognition of his abilities.

    Sebastián, like many before him, chooses his down time to start the long process of signing over the promised Ferrari shares…

  61. Dear Margharita,

    I love you from the bottom of my heart. I am starting to feel that you are not satisfying me enough. If things continue like this I will break up with you soon.


  62. “Find 10 differences between Ferrari SF16-H and Mercedes W07”

  63. Dear Michael,
    Since I came to Ferrari, I admire your achievements more and more every day.

    Get well soon

  64. Dear Max,

    After putting some feathers in places where they should not belong in spain it’s now time to write you a letter.
    Currently i am driving a very nice red car. It’s absolutely stunning!
    There’s place for you in this beauty, so please consider it.
    If we swap cars you are driving the dream of every 18 year old boy and i can win some races.
    Hope to hear from you soon.
    Regards SEB

  65. Who needs twitter

  66. On a side note he grabs the pen as bad as me, with 3 fingers.

    1. Haha same!!

  67. Dear Fernando.,

    You were right all along ,sadly..I’ll never win my next title in a red car


  68. Honestly, what are we doing here? Racing, or drawing?

  69. “Decreasing margin to Mercedes: check.”
    “Winning a race: check… oh wait! This is 2016!”
    “Dear McLaren…”

  70. “With all respect, I have an offer from Ferrari and I regret to decline your offer. You deserve a better German driver.
    Your beloved guy, Nico Rosberg.”

  71. Dear diary I want to go back to red bull team I don’t fit in with the reds they have no wings.

  72. Seb takes his dislike of social media to another level and shows his preferred method of keeping in touch with his friends.

  73. 7 across..

  74. Hmmm, so there is no escape clause in this contract, too bad they wrote it in pencil, let’s see what we have, here’s a gap, if I just add a few words…..

    In his best handwriting vettel adds

    ‘if the Ferrari F1 team fail to produce a Race winning car for any season or vettel (he’s the best) doesn’t get everything he wants he can leave the team’

  75. “Hallo sweetheart, I’ll be home soon. Do you want some extra nappies for the new baby? Waaaaa!!!! “

  76. “Who needs twitter when you can use good old paper and pen instead”

  77. “When Kimi said three sentences in a row”

  78. Already working hard creating fresh inspirational optimistic quotes and explanations for 2017.

  79. “Dear Mom, things are not going as well for me in the F1 world as before. My race car is too slow and people keep running into me. I got a cheeky Russian fired for that though so hopefully its a lesson learned for the rest. I hope to be on the podium pointing my finger again soon. Tell dad I said hello. Love Seb, hugs and kisses.”

  80. Vettel begins study for an engineering course held by Adrian Newey.

  81. When the team tells you stop cursing on the radio , so you have to express yourself through poetry.

  82. JungleMartin
    5th June 2016, 0:08

    Dear Toto…

  83. Sebastian Vettel writes off his 2016 season.

    1. ^ This.

  84. Sebastian Vettel demonstrating how he thinks a clean overtake should be done.

  85. After being fedup with young drivers banging into him, Sebastian Vettel decides to draw a guide of how a clean overtake should be done.

  86. Maurizio, thank you for your support. I wish you well in your next venture.
    Regards Sebastian

  87. Pls, let me remember. I need to draw Newey’s designs and give it to Allison. These guys need the help :’-(

  88. Dear Cristian,

    They say that at Ferrari, the cars are mighty fine.
    But I can’t seem to get mine to go first across the line.
    Oh, I don’t want no more Ferrari life.
    Christian, I want to go.
    But they won’t let me go.
    Christian, I wanna come home!

    Hugs and Kisses,

  89. Dear Mr. Dennis
    Thanks for your letter, i really found it interesting. I am able to help you with your ‘university project’. Here is a copy of the operations manual for the ferrari SF-16-H. I hope it has all the information you need

  90. Dear Christian: Please come and get me. I’m in the Ferrari garage. Seb.

  91. Jack (@jackisthestig)
    5th June 2016, 5:57

    Dear Guinness World Records,

    Do you have a record for most uses of the F-word during a single transmission of team radio during an F1 race…

  92. Seb writing on his newest rap lyrics, as he works on his fall-back career as advised by Lewis.
    “No ice, ice baby,
    Kimi’s washed up
    I still got it,
    Marco-yo wassup?”

  93. Vettel seen signing a birthday card for me – however it was side swiped by Kvyat going into the airport.

    1. Happy Birthday mate!!

  94. Ferrari mechanics saved this piece of paper when emptying the waste bin after the race:

  95. “….can you guess what it is yet?”

    Sorry Troops :)

  96. “… world wars and four World Cups, doo dah, doo dah….”

  97. Dear Joan,

    Call me pessimistic, but I don’t think I’m the Vet my Prancing Horse needs.


  98. Graham Marchant
    5th June 2016, 12:18

    Dear Christian I am applying for the job of F1 driver with Red Bull………

  99. 1. Alonso was wrong!
    2. Alonso was wrong!
    3. Alonso was wrong!
    4. Alonso was wrong!
    3,999. Alonso was wrong!
    4000. Alonso was wron….

  100. Roses are red
    Violets are bluey
    Sure wish I still had
    Adrian Newey

  101. “Dear Mr. Marchionne,

    I hereby resign as a grand prix driver in Scuderia Ferrari…


    Sebastian Vettel
    4x World Drivers Champion

    Cc: Maurizio Arrivabene”

  102. Dear Max,

    Thank you for your letter. I can understand why you are fed up with that second hand car that
    ruined your race in Monaco. I am willing to take that wreck of your hands.
    Is it alright when I forge your signature on the Ferrari application form? And oh.. what was your
    date of birth again?

    All the best, Seb

  103. Crossword 6. Horizontal:
    A former world champion who traded his bull for a prancing horse and now the sun is starting to set on his glory.
    S….ti.n V…el

  104. Dear Alexander:

    I can help you get a ride with STR. In exchange: I have 2 words – GOT MILK?

  105. lizzy wilson
    5th June 2016, 21:29

    Seb; How do you spell midel stepp poodeum ? Wish list this is….

  106. Ryan Attwood
    6th June 2016, 0:05

    Dear Jim, please fix it for me to drive a world championship winning F1 car. From Sebastian, aged 28.

  107. Dear Max:

    I really feel your pain.

    It is not about the crash at the Massenet. It is about Rossi stealing your spotlight after getting the milk, a ring, the kiss from a princess, a face in the trophy, and a winner’s tour. So sorry you only got a small refrigerator with a 2016 supply of Red Bull after winning Spain.

  108. Dear Manor:

    It is so humiliating that Rossi won the Indy 500 and I have not won a race. Why you did not take him?

  109. Dear Helmut, my old friend.

  110. Claire wainwright
    6th June 2016, 15:44

    Barriers are meant to be kissed not forcebly to tounged
    Barriers are meant to be kissed not forcebly tounged
    Barriers are meant. ………

  111. Sergey Martyn
    7th June 2016, 19:13

    “And yesterday I had such a hiding. The master took me by the hair and dragged me out into the yard and beat me with the stirrup-strap because by mistake I went to sleep rocking their baby. And one day last week the mistress told me to gut a herring and I began from the tail and she picked up the herring and rubbed my face with the head. The other apprentices make fun of me, they send me to the tavern for vodka and make me steal the cucumbers and the master beats me with the first thing he finds. And there is nothing to eat. They give me bread in the morning and gruel for dinner and in the evening bread again but I never get tea or cabbage soup they gobble it all rip themselves. And they make me sleep in the passage and when their baby cries I dont get any sleep at all I have to rock it. Dear Grandad for the dear Lords sake take me away from here take me home to the village I cant bear it any longer. Oh Grandad I beg and implore you and I will always pray for you do take me away from here or I’ll die. . . .”

    © Chekhov ‘Van’ka’

  112. gregg pannier
    8th June 2016, 17:28

    Hello Muddah…
    Hello Faddah…

  113. This is Vettel forging Alexander Rossi’s signature.

    Dear Mr. Arrivadene:

    Please excuse Sebastian Vettel so he can attend Alexander…

  114. Dear Mercs,

    Will you please slow down.


  115. Bob montgomery
    13th August 2016, 12:36

    Dear Ross…

  116. After being handed a pen and a clipboard whilst hearing the entire design team has been fired, Sebastien Vettel quickly realises there had been a breakdown in communication after joking to Ferrari President Marchionne that this years car was so bad, he could probably design better himself.

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