Nico Rosberg, Fernando Alonso, Yas Marina, 2016

Caption Competition 115: Retiring Rosberg – and Alonso

Caption Competition

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Nico Rosberg is bolting for the door marked ‘exit’ with the championship trophy under his arm. So of course he’s the star of today’s Caption Competition.

Fernando Alonso paid him a visit at Mercedes during Rosberg’s championship-winning weekend. What did the two have to talk about?

Post your funniest suggestion for a caption in the comments below.

A selection of the best will feature in a future edition of the F1 Fanatic Round-up.

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Keith Collantine
Lifelong motor sport fan Keith set up RaceFans in 2005 - when it was originally called F1 Fanatic. Having previously worked as a motoring...

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  • 136 comments on “Caption Competition 115: Retiring Rosberg – and Alonso”

    1. You know what I did, I beat Hamilton. Did you?

    2. “you wont get my cockpit fernando”

      1. ‘Nico, in England they say…’if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen !’
        I am glad you understand how much Lewis and I still love the heat !

    3. Alonso: Can I have your seat please?

    4. Rosberg: “No, Fernando, it’s my pleasure! I’m sure you’ll have a great time with Lewis, he really learned since 2007 not to concentrate too much on his teammate!”

    5. Alonso not only paid a visit to Rosberg he must have actually paid him as well…

      1. Yeah, good direction of the idea!
        To make an order which you wouldn’t reject!

    6. Nico please, always leavé thé space!

      1. very very well played sir

      2. Came for this, left satisfied.

    7. Alonso:…. With all congratulations aside… what is Toto’s phone number?

    8. “Is it best to contact Toto by text or email?”

    9. Nico: “I’m thinking of quitting. How watertight is your contract?!”

    10. “We really made Johnny and Eddie look a right pair of prats this year, did we not?”

    11. ColdFly F1 (@)
      3rd December 2016, 12:31

      Rosberg getting out of his seat to welcome Alonso.

    12. Fernando cashing in his “Money in the Bank” F1 style?

      Alonso: congrats, champ… Just wired $XX Million to ‘ya, go run along and retire. Oh, btw… thanks for softening him (Hamilton) up. Now that I’ve got your drive, I will once again become Formula 1 world champion!

      PS: WWE fans will get the reference

      1. @rafael-o Alonso will never be WDC again. Mercedes don’t want a ‘black mailer’ in their team lol

        1. ColdFly F1 (@)
          3rd December 2016, 17:04

          must be fun going to a stand-up comedian night with you :p

        2. Peppermint-Lemon (@)
          3rd December 2016, 17:06

          They’ve already got one in Lewis after he threatened to sit out the season after Spain if he didn’t get his own way.

    13. Phillip kellett
      3rd December 2016, 12:37

      Fernando “So what size shoes do you take Nico”?

    14. I’ve just found nice things on LastMinute! Ciao, guys!

    15. Phillip kellett
      3rd December 2016, 12:39

      Who’s gonna ring Max’s dad about this one ??

    16. Phillip kellett
      3rd December 2016, 12:41

      Where did you leave the keys ?

    17. FA: “Have a good race, Nico.”
      NR: “Thanks!”

      1. lol – nicely done

    18. Rosberg: Can you imagine? Button just quit and next year he is fighting for the championship? After driving that awful maclaren it must feel like heaven!
      Alonso: Yeah. (awkward laughter)

    19. Rosberg: i propose a swap. Your meme for my seat.
      Alonso: Deal!

    20. Nico Rosberg: Now I’ve won the title I’ll do you a favour you won’t be driving anymore gp2 cars.

    21. Isaac J Rosenthal
      3rd December 2016, 12:44

      Naaaaaaae, really? Stooope…you bustin mi ballz? [long pause] ….. Ise not real……really?

    22. Nico : Toto says thanks for that top secret McLaren data you sent us regarding their 2017 car. Niki reckons you just bought as next years championship!
      Fernando: Yeah, and if Toto doesn’t give me your seat, I’ll tell the FIA that Mercedes has this data.
      Nico : Damn! The sooner I am gone the better then.

    23. Happy Christmas Fernando.

    24. Have I got a deal for you! Wink wink nudge nudge say no more.

    25. Nico: Hello Fernando, I would like to make you an offer you can’t refuse….

      Fernando: Keep talking.

    26. After ten years one of us might finally beat Lewis!

    27. Rosberg: Fernando, I propose a swap. Your meme for my seat.
      Alonso: Deal!


    28. Nico, Fernando is faster than you

    29. Julie Macdonald
      3rd December 2016, 13:11

      ………….. and watch out for bull dog hair in your air intakes, and slobber on the steering wheel………………

    30. Nico: I can’t wait to race next year…Especially with the new….

      Alonso: ……You have completed your task (waves hands and stares)

      Nico: (odd look on face)……I have completed my task.

      Alonso: There is nothing more for you here….

      Nico: ….There is nothing more for me here.

      Alonso: You should retire and spend time with your wife and child

      Nico: …I am retiring to spend time with my wife and child

      1. Michael (@freelittlebirds)
        3rd December 2016, 15:23


        Alonso: Now give me back the magical gloves that fix all clutch issues :-)

        Nico: ….Here are the magical gloves that fix all clutch issues

      2. Haha….Alonso should try this trick on Toto as well.

      3. The best comment in my view. The force is strong you .

    31. Hey Nico…you’ve heard of Brexit, right? Do me a favour and try NRexit will ya?

    32. Please Fernando, take a seat

    33. ROS: ‘… and John here is another mechanic, he loves to hit the pubs after race; and this is Chris, the fastest tyre changer you’ll ever know; and here there’s Adam, who…’
      ALO: ‘Nico, quick question: why are you making sure to introduce me to your entire team??’
      ROS: ‘oh… no reason…’

    34. Roth Man (@rdotquestionmark)
      3rd December 2016, 13:26

      FA: What’s Toto’s favourite drink?

    35. Man behind Alonso: “guys, close the mailbox, quick!!!”

    36. Alonso: if you retire first I’ll retire straight after you..

      *whispers to himself* from McLaren

    37. Alonso: “Well, at least I am signed for one more year with McLaren, no way Mercedes are having an opening soon”

    38. Roth Man (@rdotquestionmark)
      3rd December 2016, 13:51

      “Can I interest you in taking my seat seeing as though it’s the one everyone’s talking about?”

      “No I’ve got enough deckchairs thanks Fernando”

    39. – Nico, can I have your seat?
      – Hahaha… NO!

    40. ColdFly F1 (@)
      3rd December 2016, 14:06

      Massa went out with a Bang.
      Button went out with a Bang.
      I’ll create my own Bang.

    41. Christopher Seward
      3rd December 2016, 14:22

      Nico to Alonso: How bad do you want the seat? I urinated in it every race

    42. ROS: So you´re next right?
      ALO: Champion?
      ROS: Nope, retiring…

    43. “With Amazon open on his laptop, Nico wonders whether he should pre-order two copies of Lewis’ book”.

    44. Rosberg invites Alonso to Mercedes engineering meeting.

    45. Alex McFarlane
      3rd December 2016, 14:41

      Nico: “We gave Lewis a Pirelli engine in Malaysia!”

    46. Remember ‘Nando to buy my book, “How to sabotage a Mercedes engine for dummies”. Coming out next month at Haymarket!

      (I really hated these conspiracy theories through the year actually, but could not resist the joke :D)

    47. So Fernando, Toto likes 2 sugars, Paddy is coffee white with one. Niki has coffee quite milky and Lewis is black.

    48. It’s the fourth year as team mate to Lewis that sets you free!

    49. Hello Nico, we should be teammates in WEC, you retire from F1 first…

    50. Michael (@freelittlebirds)
      3rd December 2016, 15:10

      Spend some-a time with Flavio…He also retired from the sport.

    51. Nico: This time as Lewis’s teammate, you won’t have Ron Dennis taking his side in the garage.

    52. Please replace the former, I think this one is better…
      Remember Bahrein 2012, Nico??? Remember that ALL THE TIME YOU NEED TO LEAVE A SPACE…

    53. So tell me Nico, how does it feel to only be a one time champion?

    54. “I’m here for the technical documents to bring back to Mclaren.”

    55. “Hey Nico, my man! How are you? You look great today! Remember when you wanted to go for a beer about 10 years ago? I actually found time this evening. How about it?”

    56. OK, Fernando, here’s how to get out of your contract and take my seat: get on the radio and say Honda is like a GP2 engine!

    57. Cookie Monster
      3rd December 2016, 16:10

      Alonso: I bet you $10 million you will beat Hamilton again!

      Rosberg: Deal!

    58. Alonso to Nico – see I told you Lewis was over rated !

    59. Alonso: If I can have your seat I’d be faster than you

    60. Trust me I’m retiring for a reason…
      It’s all about Mr Newey next year

    61. “Where are you going now, Fernando? Sauber or Manor, eh?”

      “McLaren, McLaren”

      *should you have no idea, it’s like replicating Felipe Massa’s prank on Alonso’s interview*

    62. NR: Hamilton was whinning to quit and be a rockstar !
      FA: You beat him, again !!!

    63. Alonso: “Please baby, I desperately want to place my sweet-cheeks in your newly vacant bur still warm cockpit”.

      Rosberg: “I’ll do my best baby!”.

    64. Alonso : So what’s next nico.

      Nico : If you have 45 mins I’d like to talk about the Lord, Jesus.

      1. I made me laugh for a whole minute my friend

    65. Fernando: Lewis said his contract doesn’t have any control over who his team mate will be.
      Rosberg: Ah ha, my contract has an “If I win the World Driver’s Championship and decide to retire” clause, and I do have a say on my replacement. He he he.

    66. Next season beware of our Honda engine… You quit at the right time…

    67. Hey Fernando! I was just listening to the recording of the team telling Lewis I am world champion. What to listen too?

    68. Well Fernando. There is a spare seat going as it happens.
      Pascal Wehrlein is getting mine, so there’s a vacancy at Manor. At least they have Mercedes and not Honda engines.

    69. Nico to Fernando: Don’t worry Fernando Lewis will always be faster than you he will never give you a free pass. Can you confirm that message Fernando!?

    70. Yeah so here’s a sure fix to get to Q1

    71. Tell Toto Fernando’s here and he’s brought his baggage with him…

    72. You could have let me know earlier, so I could be first to call Toto!!

    73. Nico: Want to know the secret to beat Hamiton?
      Alonso: …
      Nico: A Mercedes…

    74. “Thanks for the congratulations Fernando, shame the bitter Lewis fans will use this photo to try to discredit us”

    75. Alonso: Winning is golden, isn’t it?

      Nico: No it’s yellow, Yellow is my favourite colour, not gold.

    76. I dare you to throw Bernie in the air after you win.

    77. FA: hey Nico so the deal is still I pay you 80% and I have your car. Paddy is still ok with the 10% so we’re set for 2017. Enjoy the family and test go kart track round your home.

    78. ROS: Tell me did Hamilton ever back you up?
      ALO: No, but he got my back up!

    79. “I like Mercedes, and I think probably the Mercedes people like me.”

    80. Gazing enviously at the other guy’s car, Fernando once again found himself gritting his teeth, faking a smile and congratulating a German on winning the world championship.

    81. C’mon Nando, it was a joke..I just wanted to see your face

    82. Does Nando’s hot sauce better Frankfurt’s Green Sauce in Hamilton’s engine?

    83. What are you doing here, I only announced my retirement 5min ago!!

    84. Rosberg: I was able to be the first this year. Could you beat the second?
      Alonso: Give me your seat and you’ll see.

    85. “Toto tells me You already called him”

    86. “Hey Nico, I was just passing by…”

    87. You know Fernando, it’s not allowed to threaten to quit in our contract with Mercedes. You’ll get fired on the spot if you do.
      But Lewis did it after Spain and he didn’t get fired, so I’m gonna do it too. What Lewis can do, I can do.
      And I’m more important then him right now.

    88. Max keeps getting Driver of the Day, so what’s the point in carrying on?

    89. I have the looks, you have the brains; let’s make lots of money!

    90. Nico: … I booked the best times of the day on the simulator for March next year, so of course my successor will have the best times of the day to do training on it. Then last week Mr “I never use the simulator” decided he would need to do some practice before the season started, only to find he would have to do it in the late afternoons and early evenings.

    91. Fernando: 3 live goats and a black cat? Are you serious about being a goat farmer and a cat breeder?

      Nico: No. I heard that the Cubs broke their curses. I will be a special Christmas for a special someone.

      Fernando: To who? Lewis? Daniel? Max?

      Nico: Marco Andretti.

    92. Anders Johansson
      4th December 2016, 7:29

      Nico: Well you see Fernando, I know it’s best to quit before it becomes pathetic.

    93. FA= Hey Nico, did you see how Sebastian protected your second position by not overtaking you when at the time he had the fastest car on the fastest tyres and could have overtaken you at the first corner?
      NR= No! I was in front of him and not paying too much attention to what was happening in my rearview mirrors!
      FA= Well! makes you think doesn’t it? Seeing there was some hanky panky going on up front, I would have done the same! Now can I have your seat? I can assure you that next year the hanky panky will stop!

    94. Please have a seat Fernando. Santa is coming early this year.

    95. Here Alonso my early Xmas present to you!!!!

    96. Fernando: “Did anyone here receive my job application form?”

    97. now repeat after me…”Nico… is faster… than…me!”

    98. “Welcome Fernando! So here’s your desk, let me introduce you to your crew.”

    99. Is that a (your mother’s made) new racing suit in the bag, Fernando?

    100. FA: I don’t want your seat to become world champion. I want it because cut backs at my team mean I have to carry my own luggage.

    101. Nico: “So, Toto prefers a caramel-vanilla latte, but Niki likes espresso with a shot of Sambuca.”

    102. Alonso – “Hey Nico. I am as sly as they come. Watch me pull a seemingly impossible magic trick from my slippery hat by getting your seat”

    103. Alonso: good job you did an oil change after Malaysia,huh?

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